Jessie J recalls ‘lonely’ miscarriage experience: ‘I just knew it’

Jessie J recalls ‘lonely’ miscarriage experience: ‘I just knew it’

Jessie J recalls ‘lonely’ miscarriage experience: ‘I just knew it’
Jessie J recalls ‘lonely’ miscarriage experience: ‘I just knew it’

Jessie J wears her heart on her sleeve and recounts the ‘lonely’ moments following her miscarriage.

The singer broke it all down in her latest appearance on The Diary of a CEO Podcast.

There she was quoted saying, “I had two scans on the same day, and within the first scan and the second scan, the baby had passed.”

“When I got home that night and I lay there, I’ve never felt so lonely in my life… I just remember laying there, knowing it was still there, but it wasn’t there. That went on for over a week.”

The singer also explained, “I still had very intense nausea, [but] I just knew something wasn’t the same.” Especially when there’s “that dreadful silence when you first have a scan and they kind of don’t say anything.”

“I was like, ‘Just tell me the truth, what’s going on?,’ and she said, ‘Your baby’s heartbeat is very low,’ and there’s this, like, ring.”

“And I was like, ‘Well, what does that mean?’ and she said, ‘It often means that the baby will have some sort of disability or deformity’.”

Once she received the news, Jessie came face-to-face with a man who urged her to talk about the experience. “[He] said, ‘This is happening because you’re supposed to talk about this. You’re supposed to help other people.’ And instead of going to get blood, I got in my car and I said, ‘I’m going to get a second opinion’.”

Ten minutes and another scan later the baby had passed, “I remember just going [home] and not processing it … And then the next day I went straight into glam, I did the soundcheck and I got on stage.”

That’s also the day she decided to share the news on Instagram and admitted, “I posted it because I didn’t have anyone to break on. I didn’t have anyone to just fall apart on and that’s what I needed, that’s what I wanted.”

However, Jessie later learned it wasn’t the worst part of the experience, because that was still yet to come. “It was when I got in the car after the show by myself, and I got home, and I opened my front door, and I closed the door, I fell to my knees.”

“That was the worst moment of the whole experience, was me realizing that, other than my career, being a mother and having a child has been the biggest excitement of my life.”

“Like, I’ve always been super maternal. I love children. … I felt like I’d been given everything I’d ever wanted and then someone had gone, ‘But you can’t have it’.”

Despite the experience though, Jessie believed, “the reason it happened was because I wasn’t supposed to do it alone.”

“I’m supposed to find someone that wants this as much as I do. I’m grateful that I got to experience being pregnant… It’s opened the door for me to love myself deeper.”

Before concluding she added, “I’m still processing the whole thing. I have moments of intense sadness and grief, but I also have moments of excitement knowing that I won’t do it alone.”

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